When you get a groove going, time flies - Donald Fagen
Yep I am trying to get into a groove of things, only to realize that time indeed flies. June has been insanely busy after the dead, dull May that just went by. In addition to devoting time to improve spirituality or at least commune with my Almighty in the holy month of Ramadan, I had to juggle training assignments, Ana kutti's first day/s in school, organize a couple of surprise birthday parties, battle a stomach bug that affected Ana kutti and me which later led to dysentery in Ana kutti and attend my higher secondary school batch reunion. Not to forget get ready to celebrate Eid ul Fitr at the end of the month. June didn't look like it had just 30 days.
Initially, I was failing miserably at instilling in me a sense of calmness and peacefulness that is so important for my prayers in the month of Ramzan. More often than not, I found myself rushing through the initial part of the prayers with a myriad thoughts fighting for space in my mind.
The saving grace had been of course the completion of the whole month's fasting despite the excesses of regular life. Having come of age, mentally, at least I am able to make efficient use of my time during salat. I made it a point to pray for the well-being of all the people whose lives have touched mine; a younger me had not really dwelt much on this important part of asking dua. At that time prayers were crammed with a lot of beseeching for personal goals to be achieved and dreams to come true with well being of loved ones coming in as a afterthought. I feel good that I am getting better at thinking of a larger group (a feat many friends seem to be good at). So if a long time wish of yours gets done, you know who also to thank for. ;).
Lesson learnt: There is a time for everything. Try and enjoy everything or at least much of what is happening in the present, even though it may not seem like a big thing. Boy how we miss the good times later.
The most poignant and perhaps important aspect of this month has been Ana kutti's foray into school. The feelings it evoked in me surprised my practical self. At best of times I am an emotional hyper-body, mulling over imagined slights or hints of a problem and then spend some more time trying to climb my way out of the pit I had dug myself into.
All that lasted until S came into my life and set about arranging my priorities so that I was not jumping at the slightest hint of an emotion trigger. He grounded me good. But it seemed like all of that hard work was getting undone by this little mite's entry into school.
So, I not only found myself dragging my feet and having second thoughts about starting her off so early in school, but also found myself getting all possessive about sharing my little one with this larger social circle. I felt bereft as she walked into the school on the first day and aimed for the outdoor games. My heart did little somersaults whenever she searched for me to share a happy moment or an experience. Ah!I was still her best friend; that was a mild comfort. Not for long I think. Boo hooo hoo.
And to think that only the previous month, I had taken a solemn oath on her birthday to let her be and to not control her! So not easy. It is quite frustrating to know that I am not in the thick of things anymore and that those few hours she is away from home, closeted in her nursery school I just don't know what she's up to or what is happening. Don't judge me just yet, you see, like many lucky parents I have been the center of her universe and around whom she goes round and round. Now the thing that seems to take her fancy somewhat is the merry-go-round in school that goes round and round.
Ah life.
Lesson learnt: Love the little one dearly, but yeah stick to the earlier commitment made to self to
allow her the freedom to discover things herself. Present opportunities for her as and when required.
Yep I am trying to get into a groove of things, only to realize that time indeed flies. June has been insanely busy after the dead, dull May that just went by. In addition to devoting time to improve spirituality or at least commune with my Almighty in the holy month of Ramadan, I had to juggle training assignments, Ana kutti's first day/s in school, organize a couple of surprise birthday parties, battle a stomach bug that affected Ana kutti and me which later led to dysentery in Ana kutti and attend my higher secondary school batch reunion. Not to forget get ready to celebrate Eid ul Fitr at the end of the month. June didn't look like it had just 30 days.
Initially, I was failing miserably at instilling in me a sense of calmness and peacefulness that is so important for my prayers in the month of Ramzan. More often than not, I found myself rushing through the initial part of the prayers with a myriad thoughts fighting for space in my mind.
I had to console myself with the belief that it will happen - me achieving that elusive inner peace. Just not immediately. Not with the brat of the house jumping on the bed nearby or bending down like a hen and mimicking me with an impish smile. Or the said seeker doing what this picture rightly shows:
The saving grace had been of course the completion of the whole month's fasting despite the excesses of regular life. Having come of age, mentally, at least I am able to make efficient use of my time during salat. I made it a point to pray for the well-being of all the people whose lives have touched mine; a younger me had not really dwelt much on this important part of asking dua. At that time prayers were crammed with a lot of beseeching for personal goals to be achieved and dreams to come true with well being of loved ones coming in as a afterthought. I feel good that I am getting better at thinking of a larger group (a feat many friends seem to be good at). So if a long time wish of yours gets done, you know who also to thank for. ;).
Lesson learnt: There is a time for everything. Try and enjoy everything or at least much of what is happening in the present, even though it may not seem like a big thing. Boy how we miss the good times later.
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| Ana kutti holding S's hand when she was 6 months old |
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| Me, a good ten years ago probably |
All that lasted until S came into my life and set about arranging my priorities so that I was not jumping at the slightest hint of an emotion trigger. He grounded me good. But it seemed like all of that hard work was getting undone by this little mite's entry into school.
So, I not only found myself dragging my feet and having second thoughts about starting her off so early in school, but also found myself getting all possessive about sharing my little one with this larger social circle. I felt bereft as she walked into the school on the first day and aimed for the outdoor games. My heart did little somersaults whenever she searched for me to share a happy moment or an experience. Ah!I was still her best friend; that was a mild comfort. Not for long I think. Boo hooo hoo.
And to think that only the previous month, I had taken a solemn oath on her birthday to let her be and to not control her! So not easy. It is quite frustrating to know that I am not in the thick of things anymore and that those few hours she is away from home, closeted in her nursery school I just don't know what she's up to or what is happening. Don't judge me just yet, you see, like many lucky parents I have been the center of her universe and around whom she goes round and round. Now the thing that seems to take her fancy somewhat is the merry-go-round in school that goes round and round.
Ah life.
Lesson learnt: Love the little one dearly, but yeah stick to the earlier commitment made to self to
allow her the freedom to discover things herself. Present opportunities for her as and when required.
Comments
And S may as well get used to tears happening all the way till you wave her off to college.