A leap, jump and sprint into 2016

Happy New Year folks! The year is already up and running for me…one day folds into another, one week into another and the only assessment I have of my productivity is Anahita’s healthy growth. Touch wood. 

This situation is difficult to accept for all those who are invested in a career and who having opted for a child find yourself picking up long dropped soiled nappies, wiping barfs and urine out of your clothes, trying to keep yourself occupied in the middle of the night so that the little one can get back to sleep, reading blogs on colour of baby’s stool and its significance, common remedies for common cold…and the list can go on. It is pretty confidence –lowering work, especially in that inconceivable moment when you have the time and a magazine or newspaper near you and the picture of a successful woman is smiling at you. You’ll look for the nearest hole to bury yourself in. 

I have never considered myself to be an ambitious, go-getter with a dream to crash through the glass ceiling, but even I, this lazy, laid back me, was a bit overwhelmed by the passage of time in a day with nothing much to show than a dishevelled look and a grinning baby. Still, it is the most blessed, most beautiful experience…as beautiful as falling in love with the right man. Well, that is another post. 

As I have not really posted anything since I got pregnant, let me quickly make a mention of the things of 2015 that stood out for me. 

1. Getting pregnant and having a baby is definitely God’s gift. Period. If you do want a baby and do get pregnant, do remember to send a sincere thanks heavenwards. Considering the number of fertility clinics that are sprouting up, getting pregnant and enjoying a healthy pregnancy is definitely God’s grace. 

2. On the same note, there may be much speculation on what the most important thing is to a human being; but after the last year’s experience, I believe that my genes are the greatest gift my parents could ever give me. Strong bones and teeth, decent features, healthy constitution…yep, I’m going with good genes.

3. Everybody’s pregnancy, child birth and child-rearing experience is DIFFERENT. As many as the letters in the word times ten. So there’s no point really worrying or comparing notes. Everybody’s concern and advice is much needed but not necessarily need to be followed. 

4. It’s nice to be pregnant in India. I have never been so well looked after by friends, family and random strangers in my entire life. Lunches given in my honour, desserts dropped home, people visiting, keeping me in mind while planning anything at all…makes me want to get preggy again…well almost ;)

5. Maternity and child care industry is serious business. There may be so many things that a discerning to-be mom might think to be absolutely essential during pregnancy. Elastic pants, flared tops, baby bouncers, feeding pillow…the list is endless. I was advised time and again by a practical mother to not indulge yet. Our Indian clothes are very pregnancy friendly – our elastic tights are not a problem for the growing belly, which by the way shows a significant change only from the seventh odd month for most people. The kameez or top comes upto XXL size and more. And they flatter our Indian figure better. Unless one is working, there is really no need to splurge on maternity wear…and yeah, I do say ‘splurge’ coz they ARE expensive. The same goes for stocking up on child wear stuff. Another blog for that. 

6. There was a lot of talk about women’s right and that edgy Deepika Padukone’s ‘My Choice’ video. Though the video is hard hitting and puts forward some deep points, I had problems with it, simply because it showcased only women in it. By doing so, the video became gender specific and its points too seemed central to that of a woman. But these points should be gender neutral. A man or a woman has to have the choice to do what they want without getting judged, browbeaten or bullied by the other person. Isn’t it important to learn to respect another person than to be ‘different’ or ‘indifferent’ to a particular gender? Why isn’t empathy given more space in a relationship?  Of course our world is not perfect and little Anahita is going to probably come across her own gender related problems, but in this house, I shall try and instill in her a sense of self-respect and empathy and hopefully she’ll have the presence of mind to be able to distinguish people who don’t honour that with those who do; man or woman alike. 

7. The last year I have come across more sentiments of intolerance and making one’s religion and/or caste/creed as one’s identity than I have in so many years. It’s such a dangerous trend and it scares me slightly. More and more people don’t anymore relate to their countries it seems, instead they feel safe as communities and communities these days are religious not cultural. It is a sad state of affairs. I take pride in having studied in Christian, Hindu and Muslim run institutions and so being able to say few slokas and sing a few hymns in addition to knowing my surahs. I loved watching B R Chopra’s Ramayan and Bible ki Kahaniyaan as much as I loved sitting through bayaans. At least these memories keep me happy and have contributed to making me who I am. I take pride in the fact that my views on most sensitive topics are not extreme. I speak to engage in discussion; not to argue.  

8. If somebody laughs and tells you that you’ll have sleepless nights when the baby is born, readily believe them. Their laugh is only an affirmation of their silliness when they brushed off those words when some well -wisher told them so. 

9. The Chennai rains mostly triggers in me a feeling of guiltiness. This is strange because in some small way I too had been affected by it. I was completely cut off from my brother and family who were living in a very inundated Valasaravakkam; we had problems with water logging and power cut, but by God’s grace we were saved the trauma of losing any part of the life we had painstakingly built.  Perhaps that’s why the guilt – to have not known what it is (God forbid never know), to have been spared, to have not been able to do much. There have been plenty of deaths, plenty of instances of people losing their homes, valuables, irreplaceable memories, important documents etc. How can anybody quantify that? There were photographs of crying school children who had lost their books and identity cards in the rain. In addition to trying to come to terms with their battered lives, these children will have to undergo the trauma of getting their lives back to order. The same applies to everyone who lost something in the rains. In this though, the best part of the rains has been the spirit of many people in Chennai. The great volunteers, the amazing Coast guards and army personnel, the massive relief measures undertaken by normal people across India, the relief pouring in from all parts of the world…it was all very humbling.

10. Last but one of the most defining moments of 2015 was the darling husband’s response to my uncertainty about him looking after Anahita when I was off for my training assignments. “Perhaps I should ask mom to come and look after her on days I go for training?” I suggested. But he would have none of it. “We can’t keep disturbing her that way. Why do you worry so much?” How could I not? Having been brought up in a household where mummy did all the housework with no support from my unemphatic father, who as sweet and supportive though he was, didn’t think it was his duty to share the housework with mum which also included the nitty gritty of raising us children. The few times that he stepped into the hallowed space of the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea because mum was not in town or was unwell, was an occasion to celebrate. I could not imagine my spouse would share the responsibility of caring for his baby on his own even for a minute, leave alone a couple of hours. And I said as much to S. “It’s the first time, you know. I feel nervous wondering how you’d cope.” “ Oh come on,” he said, “how is it different for a woman who stays back to look after the baby when the husband goes to work?” And I fell all over in love with him. 

On that cheerful note, let me sign off friends with hopes of writing sooner with all those things that I’m dying to discuss and talk about. There’s so much that has happened in 2014, but has not found its way to my blog post simply because I don’t remember them. And this post was languishing in the draft folder of my laptop for that very reason – I was hoping I’d remember more. But I have sobered up. If there was more to add, there will simply be another blog post.