The holy month of Ramadan is well on it's way to culminate into the glorious festival of Eid. This is my first Ramadan fasting experience after marrying S. There are so many things that make this month to stand out, and it not just because it might be our first Eid where I won't wake up to the sounds of "Eid Mubarak" from my family members (it'd be S giving me his bear hug, probably) and the heady smell of attar on our new clothes; this Ramadan has a lot of other reasons that will forever be etched in my mind.
I have listed them down here, but for those reading it, let me warn you, this could well be the rambling of a hungry soul. During this month, it is just so difficult for me to make my brain work, leave alone think and write a blog which might border on my spiritual quest. Okayyyy, now that I've warned you, let me begin.
1. The essence of Ramadan
For many people this month focuses on abstaining from eating, drinking, smoking or having physical intercourse from dawn to dusk. Yes, it is all of that and more (charity, prayers etc.,) and that becomes the guideline for the essence of Ramadan fasting to sink in - the practice of Self-restraint. The above activities, like eating or drinking are something which when restrained manifests itself as hunger or thirst. But the finer things - anger, jealousy, negative thoughts, impatience, arrogance, irresponsibility, non-spiritual quest...are the most difficult to work on. It is something that is not given importance in the quest for the more baser of indulgences like eating and drinking. Of course, this is purely restricted to my experience.
For the longest time, I have fasted and prayed and asked forgiveness to Allah and begged him to fulfill my dreams and prayers (that's one long list, especially in the years running up to S and my marriage), but I never really focused on the essence of fasting; on exercising self restraint.
Even this time, I couldn't believe how angry I could get at my nephew, the poor child, for not studying well and unashamedly kept berating him through the entire day that he spent with me. And I was fasting. And I was supposed to be practicing self restraint. High hopes!
I fuss a lot when it comes to planning and laying the table for iftaar, which is the time for breaking the fast of the day. I get irritated with S, the very guy for whom I have spent many a ramzan praying, when I don't get my desired set of eatables. Not only was I obsessing about food and not on my prayers but I was also letting my negative emotions run ahead of me. Ah well! It's a good thing that S has nerves of steel where my temper is concerned.
So what did I learn? Well, self awareness. I realized that I was easily irritable and if I weren't so often it was only because I hadn't been provoked much. This Ramadan, I haven't really turned the leaf to being a patient, non-irritable soul, but at least I am aware of it and I am working on it.
2. Understanding the Self
Another thing that has really thrilled me this Ramadan is understanding the 'Self'. In addition to reciting the Quran and a few other books to help keep the sanctity of this month, I have been reading Deepak Chopra's "Grow Younger, Live Longer"
I had picked up that book from my club's library, when on browsing I saw some simple exercises and menu patterns to stay fit. And since I am a sucker for such kind of books, I promptly picked it up. However, by the time I finished the first chapter on "Escaping the prison of conditioning", I was not sure what I had picked. The writing was a bit too deep and the language a bit too much to read on an empty stomach. But that chapter on Changing Perceptions was amazing. I came to understand about 'self referral' and 'object referral' in this chapter. The two concepts hooked me immediately.
In a very easy manner he explains becoming aware of the 'Self', the silent witness within us; the essence of who we are. He says, being aware of the 'Self' will help us to overcome the barrier of time, as it the one constant from when we were a child till now. Being aware of the 'Self' was going to help me to refer to it whenever my emotions got the better of me. I liked that idea; it could help me practice self restraint.
He gives some tips on how to be in Self referral at any given point of the day. But for amateurs like me, it was clearly going to be difficult. I knew for certain that I could never sit quietly for even a second without multitasking, where then am I going to concentrate on the 'Self'. Ah...but that's where my prayers came in handy. Each time I did my namaz, I tried practicing emptying my mind of thoughts (oh that is so difficult...very very difficult) and concentrate on praying. I can say with conviction that I have not even come close to achieving what I set out to do, but I feel nice when I manage a few minutes of intense concentration.
That led me to think about the importance of praying 5 times a day. Couldn't I pray once a day and still achieve the goal? Not me. Not with my mind wandering about every few seconds into the prayer. And then it hit me. What if I was actually being presented with an opportunity to practice Self restraint through self-referral, five times a day? Five opportunities a day to work on emptying my mind and concentrate on Allah. And suddenly I find myself being gung-ho about my prayers. I look forward to it more often than in the past.
But of course all of the above, is so unique only to me; a person who needed more than just a directive to doing things in a particular way because it is written in the scriptures. If you're like me, perhaps this might not sound too much like a rambling.
Anyway, Eid Mubarak to everybody. Let's hope we are all presented with opportunities to find ourselves in this crazy, fast paced world. For all the others, there is always the happiness one gets from the simpler acts of faith.
I have listed them down here, but for those reading it, let me warn you, this could well be the rambling of a hungry soul. During this month, it is just so difficult for me to make my brain work, leave alone think and write a blog which might border on my spiritual quest. Okayyyy, now that I've warned you, let me begin.
1. The essence of Ramadan
For many people this month focuses on abstaining from eating, drinking, smoking or having physical intercourse from dawn to dusk. Yes, it is all of that and more (charity, prayers etc.,) and that becomes the guideline for the essence of Ramadan fasting to sink in - the practice of Self-restraint. The above activities, like eating or drinking are something which when restrained manifests itself as hunger or thirst. But the finer things - anger, jealousy, negative thoughts, impatience, arrogance, irresponsibility, non-spiritual quest...are the most difficult to work on. It is something that is not given importance in the quest for the more baser of indulgences like eating and drinking. Of course, this is purely restricted to my experience.
For the longest time, I have fasted and prayed and asked forgiveness to Allah and begged him to fulfill my dreams and prayers (that's one long list, especially in the years running up to S and my marriage), but I never really focused on the essence of fasting; on exercising self restraint.
Even this time, I couldn't believe how angry I could get at my nephew, the poor child, for not studying well and unashamedly kept berating him through the entire day that he spent with me. And I was fasting. And I was supposed to be practicing self restraint. High hopes!
I fuss a lot when it comes to planning and laying the table for iftaar, which is the time for breaking the fast of the day. I get irritated with S, the very guy for whom I have spent many a ramzan praying, when I don't get my desired set of eatables. Not only was I obsessing about food and not on my prayers but I was also letting my negative emotions run ahead of me. Ah well! It's a good thing that S has nerves of steel where my temper is concerned.
So what did I learn? Well, self awareness. I realized that I was easily irritable and if I weren't so often it was only because I hadn't been provoked much. This Ramadan, I haven't really turned the leaf to being a patient, non-irritable soul, but at least I am aware of it and I am working on it.
2. Understanding the Self
Another thing that has really thrilled me this Ramadan is understanding the 'Self'. In addition to reciting the Quran and a few other books to help keep the sanctity of this month, I have been reading Deepak Chopra's "Grow Younger, Live Longer"
I had picked up that book from my club's library, when on browsing I saw some simple exercises and menu patterns to stay fit. And since I am a sucker for such kind of books, I promptly picked it up. However, by the time I finished the first chapter on "Escaping the prison of conditioning", I was not sure what I had picked. The writing was a bit too deep and the language a bit too much to read on an empty stomach. But that chapter on Changing Perceptions was amazing. I came to understand about 'self referral' and 'object referral' in this chapter. The two concepts hooked me immediately.
In a very easy manner he explains becoming aware of the 'Self', the silent witness within us; the essence of who we are. He says, being aware of the 'Self' will help us to overcome the barrier of time, as it the one constant from when we were a child till now. Being aware of the 'Self' was going to help me to refer to it whenever my emotions got the better of me. I liked that idea; it could help me practice self restraint.
He gives some tips on how to be in Self referral at any given point of the day. But for amateurs like me, it was clearly going to be difficult. I knew for certain that I could never sit quietly for even a second without multitasking, where then am I going to concentrate on the 'Self'. Ah...but that's where my prayers came in handy. Each time I did my namaz, I tried practicing emptying my mind of thoughts (oh that is so difficult...very very difficult) and concentrate on praying. I can say with conviction that I have not even come close to achieving what I set out to do, but I feel nice when I manage a few minutes of intense concentration.
That led me to think about the importance of praying 5 times a day. Couldn't I pray once a day and still achieve the goal? Not me. Not with my mind wandering about every few seconds into the prayer. And then it hit me. What if I was actually being presented with an opportunity to practice Self restraint through self-referral, five times a day? Five opportunities a day to work on emptying my mind and concentrate on Allah. And suddenly I find myself being gung-ho about my prayers. I look forward to it more often than in the past.
But of course all of the above, is so unique only to me; a person who needed more than just a directive to doing things in a particular way because it is written in the scriptures. If you're like me, perhaps this might not sound too much like a rambling.
Anyway, Eid Mubarak to everybody. Let's hope we are all presented with opportunities to find ourselves in this crazy, fast paced world. For all the others, there is always the happiness one gets from the simpler acts of faith.
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