I can't start 2021 without paying obeisance to my father in law, who passed away on December 28th 2020 due to kidney failure. He passed away at a ripe old age of 90, almost 91. I knew him only in his twilight years, as I married S only when Uncle was 81. He was a distinguished man with his precise words and genial attitude which acted like a magnet to the people around him.
I remember him narrating interesting stories about their family during the 1900s and about the city with its myriad transformations. What made chatting with him so enduring is his remarkable memory and his choice of words. One could get a picture of the city or of his life at that time without the poetic exuberance. Every word spoken was measured yet descriptive.
When my own father passed away in 2008 rather unexpectedly, my grief was limited to myself with no knowledge of what was happening to my once alive father. My brothers and other male relatives conducted the last rites as per our customs and I just got a glimpse of his scented body shrouded in white before he was taken away to the burial ground. My mind couldn't process much of the days that followed, my only thoughts being of taking care of mum and managing myself. There were things to be done, decisions to be taken.
Cut back to 2020, and for the first time I was a part of a Hindu ritual where the family stands around as the last rites are performed. The purohit had asked the immediate family to pay respects to uncle and we had to pour water from his toe to his head as we moved in clockwise direction around him Minutes ago he was a warm living body but the water falling on him at that time sounded as if it bounced off stone. It was so odd, so spine chilling, so final. That sound of water falling on what ceased to be 'him' in the realm we know has stayed with me through the days.
Death is, as people say, the real deal. It is a good reminder of what should be our priorities and how we should conduct our life. We are but a visitor to this world. What is expected of us is to do our duty and get ready to leave when the time comes. I can only hope that the mark I leave behind in the hearts of my loved ones will be just like Uncle's - of a clean, happy, loving soul.
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Sarah