Three years ago when Ana kutti was starting Montessori and we parents were getting to know each other, I remember speaking to two other mothers on a warm, sunny morning. When asked what we did for a living, two of us promptly replied that we were working. I remember the third one had an impassive face as she looked back at our polite questioning glances. She replied that oh no, she didn't go for work, and that she was a housewife. I remember now how a short, sharp judgmental arrow shot through me. She didn't work. Unfiltered thoughts crept up of news articles and visuals of a modern day woman, who generally was a smart business woman or a competent mid level employee, a surgeon or a cook. She not only juggled her job with her house but was also this wonder woman who was supposedly doing all this with a smile on her face. The modern working woman was kicking ass more than the limpid home maker.
Of course my social grace came over me and I nodded with a smile and a ready word to fill the uneasy silence left by her answer. But she beat me to it. She continued, that she of course was busy with her charity and club activities and was hardly at home.
Of course my social grace came over me and I nodded with a smile and a ready word to fill the uneasy silence left by her answer. But she beat me to it. She continued, that she of course was busy with her charity and club activities and was hardly at home.
I still wonder, why she had felt the need for that rejoinder. Was it something in our expressions that made her want to elaborate? Or was she so accustomed to people's judgmental expressions that she had this answer ready? Did being a homemaker necessitate justifying that it wasn't the only thing one would be caught doing? That it was just another balancing act but with perhaps a bit of social service thrown in as the base?
I was reminded of this conversation last year when I had the wonderful opportunity of hosting a guest like none I had interacted with earlier. This lady was a retired lumbar thoracic surgeon, and was a self confessed terrible home maker. Cooking and house keeping didn't come naturally to her as emphasis was laid from a very young age on studying well and getting a job - not just any job though...no, nothing short of a medical degree would do. She bore her valuable experience on her shoulders so comfortably and was humble and practical to boot. But she was simply not interested in home keeping. She found my skills fascinating - how did I keep the house so clean? how did I have a four year old and yet maintain things in order? how could I cook so well? and so on. Around the time she stayed at my place, I was not taking up many work assignments. I was practically at home, cooking dishes for her, keeping the house clean, taking care of Ana kutti and generally spinning like a top as I got my household going. In other words, I felt like that "limpid' homemaker I had spoken about earlier. My guest too wouldn't have been wrong in concluding that I was a homemaker who was simply taking up work assignments on the side.
And now during Covid lockdown of the past seven months, as I continue my spirited maintenance of my home and family, I realize that deep down I like being a homemaker. I like planning meals, getting the house cleaned and organized, making food for guests and friends, beautifying the place, managing time for Ana kutti and S, and the what ever else competent home makers do, that I don't know of. I don't have time for many things and often I wonder why this was so. After all there was a maid and a cook at home and just the two of us with Ana. Where was my time going? Why couldn't I keep up messages with near and dears? Why was returning phone calls something that had to be planned into my schedule? Looks like my priorities lie in keeping my family and house going with some happy times with close friends and a bit of work to keep me feeling a bit financially independent.
I don't think I'd take lightly to someone dismissing my efforts as being that of a mere homemaker. I was contributing...in a big way. The cogs of the household wheel were moving smoothly and beautifully only because I was having the time to concentrate on this priority.
This has been one of my learnings this year. There is no job that can be validated or quantified and that can't be labeled keeping a set of criteria in mind. Women are empowered with empathy and passion and it takes a lot of skill to run a smooth household. Homemakers or Working women - the contribution is tremendous.
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